Of Friends and Horses

Talking about the Citroen CX a few posts back joggled my memory (it needs that now I'm in my dotage) what was I saying? Oh yes,memories about a Citroen Ami I had the pleasure (?) of owning.The Ami was Citroen's attempt at producing a prettier car than the 2CV (deux cheveaux).Didn't really work,as far as I could see,although there's no denying the robust mechanicals and 'interesting' suspension inherited from the 2CV made it every bit as functional.

A stranger to the vehicle would look at the strange, chromed walking- stick protruding from the stark dashboard and wonder what you did with that.Well,'that' was the gear lever and initially I found its machinations a trial, until I understood the Gallic logic behind it and then it was as easy as falling over after 18 pints.Twist the lever to the left and push forward and there was first.Keeping over to the left pull the lever backwards and there's second.In the neutral position,twist the lever to the right and push forward,you've now got third;pulling back got you fourth.I hate to admit it but I can't remember where reverse was.Perhaps someone can let me know.Although all that sounds convoluted,it was really a very quick and slick gearchange,which worked nicely with the engine,all 602cc of it.Okay,maybe not the most impressive of specs but the whole idea worked well despite first impressions.Marry that up with plush seating and tenacious road holding and the little Ami/2CV was more of a vehicle than meets the eye.And we haven't even touched on fuel economy.You'd think with only two cylinders and 602cc that you'd have to rev the thing to get anywhere;and so you would,but being air-cooled meant this engine could be revved all day.Ah,you say,doesn't that impact on economy? Well,I was quite happy with 45mpg,some might moan.Not me.

If I was going to carp,it would be about the amount of body roll,(to observers,alarming)but nevertheless the Ami stuck like glue to the road.The second moan would be about its tendancy to misfire,something I never really sorted,but when it ran right it was a great little engine. Take my advice and: Click Here!

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Of Heralds and Blue Boys

I mentioned the Triumph Herald in the previous post and although it was regarded more as a car for the ladies,mainly because of the incredible turning circle,think London taxi,the front wheels virtually turned at right angles to the chassis.And yes, it had a separate chassis,something unheard of in this monocoque era;unless you got a Morgan or such.When I got the Herald I was inundated with dire warnings about the rear suspension.Due to its design,it was possible for either rear wheel to fold up like an aeroplane's undercarriage,depending on which side the cornering forces were at play.If you went left,then the rear right wheel would become all shy and try to hide away.And vice-versa if turning right.As you can imagine this could introduce an element of Russian roulette into your drive,because you never knew if or when a wheel would go into hiding.The answer was simple(it had to be if I'm involved) and that was to keep the power on round a bend.The Herald handled very well under those terms.In other words you drove properly,right gear,right speed for the bend.As the boys in blue say,go into a bend slow,come out fast.Go into a bend fast,don't come out.

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Of Smoke and Spies

Just realised that in my meanderings I'd totally forgotten about my little Austin A40 and the Triumph Herald.The A40 was a handy vehicle because the rear window hinged upwards and the boot (trunk) lid dropped down,giving a very useful aperture to slide wardrobes etc. in through,once the back seat was folded.It was no ball of fire but went well enough for all that;pity about the oil consumption though.Went to the Lake District for a run one day,about 90 odd miles.It barely used fuel,but when I got there the little A40 needed a complete sump of oil.I think it was the only car I had that used more oil than petrol.Mind you,it was a close run race with the old Nissan Micra I had years later.That too was a James Bond motor,with its constant smoke screen billowing out the back.

The A40 had another interesting foible,the dynamo,predecessor to the alternator,a far superior device,which is why they fit 'em to most vehicles now,wasn't giving the battery enough current so on occasion you found yourself with a flat battery.In this day and age that usually meant a call-out to any number of break-down services;back in my day you inserted the starting handle and spun the engine til it fired,though it helped to have the ignition on first! In some ways I lament the passing of the good old starting handle,although that needed the right approach or you could bust a thumb;in extreme cases I've heard tell of broken wrists.

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Of Diesel and Petrol

I know it isn't a laughing matter and I'm certainly not laughing about this but I know a lot of people get it wrong sometimes and put diesel in a petrol car;I know I've nearly slipped up a couple of times over the years.And I know my brother,he of the X1/9,did precisely that years ago at an all-night garage.Guess who got the call to come sort it out?I love him really,honestly I do.Anyway,back in those days you could get away with quite a lot and the only way we could empty the tank was for me to cut the metal fuel line and let the diesel drain out,which was about as eco-friendly as the Torrey Canyon and I apologise.Having drained out the diesel I fitted a length of rubber tube and a couple of hose clips over the ends of the fuel line and we re-filled with petrol.Fingers crossed,brother started the engine which ran perfectly.And ran perfectly for all the time he had the car,a Sunbeam Rapier saloon,if I remember correctly.

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Of Jeeps and Crash Boxes

Going way back in my driving 'career',which makes it sound like I knew what I was doing,when I was still working in the local garage,before I demolished the workshop wall and got the sack the boss,no,not Bruce Springsteen,told me to drop a jeep in at another depot.I don't know what I was expecting but it sure wasn't an old Willys military style jeep.Still,I was young enough and stupid enough to give it a go.Because this vehicle had a crash-box and I hadn't been trained up on this sort of thing.Nobody of my vintage had and it was the first and thankfully ,last, time I had come across a beast like this.Progress was,shall we say,jerky,entailing masses of revs and then virtually no revs as I tried to change gear without some very distressing noises from the gearbox,which attracted a lot of amused attention from pedestrians as I tried to drive past with a feigned nonchalant expression,like I meant it to be that way.Must have sweated a gallon by the time I dropped the Jeep off.

Of Doctors and Chips

I've always been accused of being a hypochondriac when it comes to cars.You know the sort of thing,the slightest noise heralded impending doom;a squeak was imminent suspension failure,a whine most likely meant the transmission and final drive were due to pack in,or if I was lucky just a wheel-bearing on the way out.Sooo, bearing this in mind you can imagine the old hypochondria kicking in good and strong when we got to Cornwall and they'd just re-surfaced the road in some town or other;you know the kind of thing,layer of tar and sprinkle liberally with stone chippings and let the windscreen replacement boys have a second birthday.Previous to entering said town our CX had performed flawlessly,no nasty noises so I'd had a stress-free drive. Stopping at a junction and then moving off again produced a disturbing grinding noise.After imagining all sorts of dire problems,I reversed the car a couple of feet and tried again.Nothing, not a sound, back to normal.The CX has rear disc brakes with a shield behind each disc and of course a stone chip had got itself wedged between disc and shield,making the grinding noise.Reversing pushed the stone back out.I decided perhaps I'd turn a deaf ear to all but the worst sounds in the future.

Of Frogs and Man-Bags

Was talking to my brother the other day and we got onto the subject of the FiatX1/9 which he had some time ago.This was probably one of the prettiest cars I've seen.I don't mean that in a sneery,wussy way,it genuinely was a well styled,finely carved little two-seater.It looked like you could pick it up,put it under your arm and walk off with it and be proud to be seen with it,either under your arm,like a Gucci man-bag or sitting in it.Even stationary it looked like it was doing 90,which was probably as fast as you'd want to go,sitting that low on the ground.It'd feel more like 180.That reminds me of my mate's Frog-eyed Sprite,that would go under an artic.I know because we very nearly did after a bout of over-enthusiastic braking.Less said...Anyway,the little Fiat came in a fetching lime green,with pop-up lights and tiny alloy wheels.I think some of my model cars had bigger wheels...But there's no getting away from it,the car handled like all cars should,like a dream.And so it should,with a low centre of gravity and the engine sitting just behind your ears,so it seemed,it couldn't help itself but stick to the road like,er,jam to a baby's bib.For a sports car I think it was pretty reliable,the only issue I remember having to sort out was the gear linkage,which was exposed to any slight hump in the road.Catch the linkage on a rock,say, and you lost half the gears.A judicious thump wth a fist on the levers usually sorted it but it was that sensitive to ,um,external influences.

Of Train and Rain

The ride on the CX was always legendary as can be seen by the following. Mum has always been a nervous passenger, not exactly a back seat driver but close, and anything over 30 or 40 got the inevitable "slow down" warning.So a drive from Liverpool to Launceston in Cornwall promised to be a lengthy journey.But the CX surprised me on two counts.We were cruising nicely,as I thought,until I glanced at the speedometer.I'd anticipated we were probably doing about the legal 70; when I saw the actual speed I nearly choked.ThenI asked Dad what speed he thought we were doing. His guess was about the same, roughly 70.I told him to have a look. We were doing 110mph. When we checked on Mum she was sound asleep in the back. It seemed a shame to wake her, so I just eased the speed down to around the legal limit. Just as well, because we drove through a cloudburst a moment later, couldn't see a thing, save the rear fog lights on the car in front. So there we all were,playing trains at 80,all too scared to slow down in case it caused an accident,all desperately maintaining a constant speed.That was a few minutes I wouldn't want to live again.No sir.

Of DS and CX and USA

One thing that attracted me to the Citroen CX,amongst others, was the fact that the previous owner had fitted a stainless steel exhaust system and over the time I had the car,about 2 years,the system remained looking brand new and with no 'blowing' or rot in sight.Well worth getting if possible,bearing in mind the average life of a mild steel exhaust is about 18 months.

Like the DS before it,the CX's spare wheel lived under the bonnet(hood) along with the jack equipment and spare can of the mineral fluid for the suspension,which gives you some idea of the size of the engine compartment. Which is nothing compared to the space under the bonnet of an old American motor that came into the garage I worked at.When the boss popped the hood I swear I could have sat in there with the engine,a diminutive-looking block surrounded by acres(I've told you a million times to stop exaggerating,ed.) well,it seemed like it,of space.Amazing!

Of Slipping and Reversing

Bear with me a moment but I'm having a flashback moment.That's what I call it anyway.Was just remembering my Citroen CX,which I mentioned briefly at the start of this blog.If the DS was my ultimate vehicle,then the CX is second favourite.It's got to be said not everyone was thrilled with the dashboard,'quirky' was probably the kindest thing you could say.Needless to say,I loved it.Getting behind the wheel was like getting into an aircraft and as for that self-centering steering,well,all you needed was one finger to guide the beast.

But the first few days of ownership weren't all that rosy.On the test drive before buying it,I picked up on that the clutch was slipping,only slightly,but slipping even so.After the garage had swapped the clutch I drove it home,glorious! So it was more than a little disappointing to find on going on a longer drive that the engine stuttered then finally packed it in altogether.After a few minutes it restarted and got me home again. Back in the garage dad and I built (maybe you remember),the condenser in the distributor got checked since that may have been overheating and failing.Whatever I checked didn't show up anything that convinced me I'd found the problem.Finally,in desperation,the multi-meter came out and was connected across the low-voltage terminals on the coil.Turned out what should have been the earth was live and what should have been live was,you guessed it,the earth.The poor coil was acting like a little electric fire,must've been heck inside that steel can.Once the leads were reversed,to the way they should have been,the car ran like the proverbial dream.

Remember me mentioning the alarm system on the Carina? Well it's all very good making a car theft proof,not so great when the system turns bandit on the car's owner. Not that the alarm became faulty,not a bit of it,rather it became too good at its job.The battery had shown signs of giving up for a while so it didn't surprise me when the car wouldn't start one day.Tried and checked everything so it was off to the local motor factors for a new battery.And that's where the fun starts,because on this alarm system you're supposed to isolate the control box with a special key otherwise the electronics get confused. Of course,this being an old,second-hand car,the said key hadn't been passed on to me.It mightn't have been the best command decision I ever made but I pressed on and took the old battery off and bolted on the new one.No siren,no disturbing events;maybe all was well.Hah! The car let me in but turning the key in the ignition was a noisy affair,that siren produced some serious decibels.Going back under the bonnet to disconnect the battery wasn't a pleasant experience either.After a few more attempts and getting deafened in the process I gave up and left the battery disconnected.Curiously,the usually helpful local garage rapidly stepped back from this problem and recommended an auto-electrician they knew,who came round in half an hour and removed the entire alarm system, that being the cheapest solution,besides he was going on holiday in an hour or so,and time was of the essence.I wasn't bothered so long as I got the car back in a going condition,which I did.Cheap at the thirty quid it cost.

Yes,I admit it,it was my own fault.One winter I had to take she who must be obeyed(hereafter known as 'the Missus') to see a specialist a fair way from home.It was bitterly cold but the old Carina got us there without a hint of trouble;no,it saved that for when we pulled into the nearby car park and I turned the engine off.There was a slight 'phut',like a polite cough,and steam erupted everywhere.I suggested to the missus that something might be amiss but she had other things on her mind.After seeing the doctor I found what I expected to find,that the old radiator had given up in view of the icy weather and had leaked water until dry.I hadn't put anti-freeze in because in the past it had caused leaks and I didn't want the trouble.Well,I had real trouble now,about twenty miles from home and no coolant.A pint or two of water usually resides in an old bleach bottle in the boot and this went in the radiator, and promptly out again through the rather impressive hole at the front.You won't believe this,or perhaps you will if you've owned a Toyota, but we drove home without a problem,if you discount me sweating every inch of the way,silently willing the car to keep going.The only sign of trouble was when we got into our road and an interesting knocking could be heard,as the big-ends protested about the excessive heat.

Next day we fitted a new radiator,filled up with water,crossed our fingers and started up.That was about eighteen months ago and the car's still going great.Without anti-freeze!

Don't know if you read about the Citroen Xsara that was apt to lock me out on occasion,but even the Carina pulled that trick on me once,only once but how many times do you want to be locked out of your car? I'd just got to my night job,turned off the engine and lights and got out for a minute.You can probably see what's coming.The door slammed shut and for some reason the central locking did it's stuff and there I was,outside the car and keys inside.Even without the alarm system present(and that's another story),breaking into the old car was too much for me.
So after a long walk home after my shift,rang my recovery service and met 'em back at the car.Maybe this post should be re-titled 'how to break into a car' because what follows is exactly that.I have never seen the likes of it before.The mech. produced two hard nylon wedges and a long rod with a serious-looking hook on one end.He casually slapped one wedge into the gap between the driver's door and the body and the other between the door and the roof.By now he had opened up a gap that looked wide enough for him to nearly get his arm through never mind the rod with the hook,which he slid in and after a couple of false starts managed to snag the unlock button on the door and eased it back.With the door open,we turned off the radio and checked the car would start,which it did.All sorted out and not a mark on the car.Must remember to get a spare key cut one of these days.

Just realised that I haven't kept to the sub-title at the top of this blog,the bit that says about cars I wish I could own.Wondered about that for a little while(all of five seconds),why I haven't rambled on about the cars I lust after,the way guys lust after Kate Moss;they do,don't they?I'm a Nigella Lawson guy meself.Well,I'm sorry, but there it is.Oh yeah,cars.To be honest I thought making a wish list would be easy, but looking round there's nothing out there that rings my bell,or anything else for that matter.Without going to supercar status there isn't much that excites.If I was pushed I'd go for a Chrysler 300c.Hmm,I can hear the groans from here.I know it isn't green but this is a wish list,not a to do list.Have toyed with the idea of a Prius or a hybrid Lexus but no hybrid is a perfect answer until we get rid of the petrol engine element altogether,then it won't be a hybrid,will it?It'll be a proper eco-friendly vehicle.Probably as boring as hell and slow as my brain on an early morning but at least we'll still be independently mobile,which,let's face it gentle reader,is the whole point of the car,it's raison d'etre.It's not about single figure 0-60 times or 200 mph top speed,no matter what Jeremy Clarkson and friends might say.Did you buy your car to do wheelies all over the place,much to the amusement of the local constabulary? 'Course you didn't,you got the car to take your nearest and dearest hither and thither.Let's not lose sight of the car's real purpose in this life.Just don't let the boy or girl racer in you die though.That would be unthinkable.Because we should always enjoy our driving.No matter how much of a pain in the a** the car can be.

Well,now it's time for a little rant.Just a leetle one.Just realised (alright I googled it) but we've had the infernal combustion engine with us for around 130 years,seems a lot longer;must have spent at least that long at the kerb side with various cars.Anyway,that's not the gripe.No,the gripe is that,apart from tweaking the car engine the actual principles behind how it works haven't changed in all that time,it's the same mousetrap.Nobody has invented a better one.Maybe it's time for a radical re-think about how we move ourselves around this planet;we really can't keep sucking the guts out of this real estate and shove it in our tanks to burn at around 20 percent efficiency;if your dishwasher was only 20 percent efficient you'd soon complain,providing the salmonella hadn't done for you.But we'll happily pour the juice in our fuel tanks and blast around the countryside,"yes,she's going well,really sweet,you can hardly hear the engine".Trouble is,that 'efficient' engine isn't and that spells trouble for you and me and every other tenant on this rock.Look,this isn't a particularly green rant,I'm just teed off that we haven't moved on from destroying things to be mobile.Even Mr.Electric car gets his power by destroying something.There really has to be something totally different,not dependent on burning something,though it'll have to be better minds than mine that think of it;I kind of stop at nuclear power and that in a car sort of worries me.Imagine all those mobile atom bombs,er,no I'd rather not,thanks.So over to you boffin types,make it soon eh?

More  about the Carina,the latest car in the family. I don't know about you but I hate the first few weeks of ownership of a strange car,that period of time when you find out what you've really bought,the only way you can,by driving it;and trusting it's going to get you back home again.And I can honestly say that the Carina showed me exactly what I'd bought the first time I was driving to work. It and I were sitting patiently in the outside lane of a five road junction,waiting to turn right when the lights changed.Revs were fine,temperature was fine,everything sounded and felt fine,no nasty red lights on the dash.Birds were singing,sun was out,darn it felt good to be behind the wheel again.The lights turned green and I set off,all of about two feet and stalled it.No problem,I thought,keep calm,everyone stalls occasionally,'specially a strange car.Turned the key.Nothing.Tried again.Not even a click. By now I had quite a queue of traffic behind,all the drivers commiserating with me. Least,I think they were commiserating with me;I could've been wrong.It was pretty obvious I wasn't going anywhere so I hopped out and pushed my dead Carina across the junction and into a side road.Popped the bonnet and gave everything the once over.One of the last things I checked were the battery connections.Touched the live terminal and was rewarded by the alarm siren kicking into action.Once my pulse came down to double figures I gingerly tightened the terminal clamp and turned the key.The engine fired up and ran smoothly and I carried on to work.The problem has occurred a few times since but at least I know where to look for the cure.

You might have read my burblings about an old Rover I had which was basically a good motor,'til the gearbox let me down.To replace it I got an even older(not possible,surely) Toyota Carina E. The E apparently stands for Europe.Why did Toyota feel it necessary to differentiate european constructed vehicles from Japanese models I ask myself? So they couldn't be accused of producing inferior vehicles? Surely not. I mean, only the non-japanese cars fall apart?

Oh bad luck,sport.You've got a european Toyota.Be that as it may,the neat,very spacious and pretty darned rust free Carina is still going strong after 3 years in my anything but careful hands.Not necessarily event free years but it's surprising how many things you can do without on a car and for it to still be a damn good vehicle.I'll have to tell you about those three years some time but for now the cat's got stuck in the cat flap again;too much turkey.We or it never learns.Now where's the butter?